11/17/2020 0 Comments Accomplishments and Having PrideI see a lot on Twitter and Facebook posts of people asking you to share your accomplishments and/or what you take pride in. That, or people just proudly sharing their accomplishments or the things they take pride in. When it comes to accomplishments, it's usually about college work, like nailing a really hard test or finishing a big paper, or whatever. Or, it's about one's job, and how well that's going. Many times it's about one's family, and how they've bought a house for their family to live in, or something like that. When it comes to what people take pride in, it's usually their relationship with their partner or their family. All these things are praised and viewed as good things by society.
Then, there's me. What have I accomplished? Nothing. If I were to be cynical though, my response would be: not killing myself. But, in all reality, nothing. I have no accomplishments to my name. But, if we talk about what I take pride in, I have an actual answer for that: my transition. I was suicidal for six years due to dysphoria, I was literally ready to end my life when I finally began transitioning on March 11 of 2020. I had no hope. My transition is the greatest thing that ever has and ever will happen to me, because it's literally the thing that allowed me to live. Literally nothing that happens to me in the future could happen without me having had transitioned. It's the one thing I take pride in, it's my source of strength. Being a woman is what I gather my strength from, it's something I'm genuinely proud of. And yet, not many care, at best, at worst, I'm scorned for it. Even some of my irl friends don't care about my transition at all. It's hard having many of them not care about my transition, the one thing I have to take pride in, and yet, me being expected to celebrate their wedding or having a child or whatever. It's hard. It's to the point where I'm starting to not care about some of their lives or the good things that happen to them, because none of them even bother to congratulate me on the good things that happen to me. It's just hard having the one thing you can gain strength from be something that much of society, and even your own family, abhors. It makes me feel useless. It makes me feel as if I don't matter, as if my problems don't matter, and as if my accomplishments don't matter. It sucks. It sucks knowing that my value and worth in society completely depends on me being not-trans as possible. Many, including people I thought I could consider friends, won't care about my accomplishments or whatever unless I graduate from college, or get a partner, have a family, whatever. You know, cis-normative things. Things that cisgender people relate to, because if it's not cis-normative, it clearly just isn't that important. I want my life to have importance outside of being a college graduate, having a good job and being a good wife. I hate that that's the only thing that will allow me to matter at all in the eyes of most. I want to matter outside of that. Apparently, that's too much to ask for though.
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AuthorHi! I'm Anna, a currently transitioning transgender woman! I started my blog "Ramblings of a Trans Woman" as therapy for gender and identity issues and abuse from my parents and church. Hopefully, someone else out there can get something from this. If you want to talk, just get in contact with me, there's plenty of ways how and we'll discuss the best way to talk! Archives
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