4/20/2021 0 Comments April 20th, 2021I have been thinking a lot about the things that serve as a reminder that this earth is not my home, but, rather Heaven. There have been in particular two things that I have really been thinking about that serve as reminders of this. The first thing is my body. As long as I can remember I knew I was a girl. I couldn't stand my male body. I remember literally almost cutting off my penis as a toddler. Nothing traumatized me more than haircuts (sadly, that's more serious than it is a joke). Now, I have been transitioning for over a year. I am living openly as a woman. But, it still isn't a body that was born as female. My bone structure isn't that of a female. I don't have a uterus. I don't naturally have softer skin. If I stop taking estrogen I will revert back to looking male. So, this body isn't, and never will be anything like I wish it was. Because of that, I will forever live with gender dysphoria. Because of that, the only thing I really have to look forward to is that perfect resurrection body. I know that this statement I make will probably the most controversial statement I will ever make, one that even many, if not most, other trans people will vehemently disagree with, so keep in mind, this is one fringe lunatics belief: I strongly believe that my resurrection body will be female. We know the resurrection body is a restoration. Heck, Heaven itself is restoration, and even more so, it undoes all the bad in our lives. It undoes all the pain. It makes everything right. So, if I always identified as female, only really spiritually grew once I started living as one, and it's what allowed physical life, I see no reason not to believe that that will be the body I recieve in Heaven. I cannot wait for that. Once again, I know just about everyone will disagree with my belief, including other trans people, and some may have clicked off this article right after reading that seeing me as nothing more than a heretic, but it's something that gives me hope. It's one of the things that helps serve as a reminder that this earth is not my home.
The other thing is family. While my family has finally accepted me, things aren't ideal. I still have to keep an arms length away from my parents due to their controlling, abusive nature. I don't really have a chance to get close to my younger sisters. One is at college and has a boyfriend, so that time of building a relationship is gone forever with her. The youngest one is only interested in growing close to her friends, which I understand, considering how abusive our parents are. So, all that to say, I will never either be close or be fully open with anyone in my family. A lot of people have talked about family not being who you are born to, but who you choose. While it's a nice sentiment and one that I see is true for some people, and I am glad for others, it has most certainly not been true in my life, and not for a lack of trying. I definitely tried that. It just never worked. So, while I am glad to see that it's worked out for many others, I have learned to accept that it just won't be true for me. Then, let's add the fact that I just don't have a place among other Christians. I don't really have a chance to be part of the body of God here on earth, so I can't even be a part of my spiritual family here on earth. It helps make Heaven that much more exciting. In Heaven, I will finally, truly, be part of a family, a perfect one. It will be so wonderful. That is another thing that helps keep my eyes on Heaven instead of Earth. The knowledge that I don't really have a family here, but do up there. Anyway, if you ever need help keeping your eyes focused on your eternal home, I encourage you to focus on what you're lacking and have never had fulfilled. Use that to focus on our true home.
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AuthorHi! I'm Anna, a currently transitioning transgender woman! I started my blog "Ramblings of a Trans Woman" as therapy for gender and identity issues and abuse from my parents and church. Hopefully, someone else out there can get something from this. If you want to talk, just get in contact with me, there's plenty of ways how and we'll discuss the best way to talk! Archives
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