11/27/2020 0 Comments Desire For Family V. The RealityI've been working with my therapist to create realistic expectations for my family, and to cope with the knowledge that I'll never have the family I need or want. Both of my younger sisters are adults now. It's hard to find the time to bond, especially when we never had one before. The oldest of my sisters is getting ready for marriage, making creating a relationship with her all the harder. The youngest has found a family of her own and has plans on where she wants to live. In addition to all, there's no doubt in anyone's mind that marriage is in the cards for her, almost certainly sooner rather than later. Like, everyone would be surprised if that didn't happen. Then, there's me, still chasing after the OG family, left behind. Mom is sick, fragile, and weak. She cannot take care of herself at all. Dad is quickly getting there. Both of my sisters have will not be helping to take care of our parents. The older sister will be living with her future husband, current boyfriend in a different city. The youngest sister plans to go to another city as well. That leaves me. I want to do it. But, I have to keep mom and dad, mostly dad, at arm's length because of his controlling narcissism. Neither mom or dad are emotionally mature (I'm not either, but at least I'm seeing a therapist to help me learn to be. Mom and dad don't see a problem with their behavior). I'll have to keep myself safe from abuse while being their sole caretaker. I'm going to be spending all my time tending to mom and dad while they are still living. I won't have the time to find a family of my own. That's depressing for me. I've always cared about family so much, spent my entire life trying to make it work with my family, and knowing that I'll never have the family I need or want is depressing. I'll never truly be part of a family, one of two things I have always wanted.
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AuthorHi! I'm Anna, a currently transitioning transgender woman! I started my blog "Ramblings of a Trans Woman" as therapy for gender and identity issues and abuse from my parents and church. Hopefully, someone else out there can get something from this. If you want to talk, just get in contact with me, there's plenty of ways how and we'll discuss the best way to talk! Archives
June 2022
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