3/11/2021 0 Comments March 11th, 2021One year. One year since I drove up to Goshen, Indiana from Ft. Wayne, Indiana to go to Mosiac Health & Healing Arts, a informed consent clinic. That day, as a result of my visit there, I would take my first dose of estrogen at 5:18 pm EST. At that moment, all my dysphoria, all my suicidal thoughts and feelings went away. From that moment, my body started changing to reflect who I had always known myself to be. I always knew that I was a girl. Now, I could finally live as one. It's something that has made my life so much better in every way. I actually enjoy living now. Before transition, because of how severe my dysphoria was, my greatest desire was death. There's no exaggeration in that. The thing I wanted most was to die. Now, I want to live. I don't desire death. Not saying I never get suicidal, every now and then I still do, it's so baked into me that it will probably be a long time before it's completely washed out of my system, but thankfully, suicidal thoughts are rare.
There is probably nothing that I thank God for as much as my transition. I'm constantly thanking God for allowing me to finally live as a woman. I remember quite well the dysphoria that came along with living as a man. I have no intention on ever going back, as that would mean certain death for me, and so, as long as I am living as a woman, I will find myself constantly thanking God for allowing me to do so. Seriously, for me, this is the best thing to happen to me, and probably always will be the best thing. It's what allowed me to actually live. Something that has changed a lot, for the better, is my relationships, because of my transition. When I was living as a guy I sucked at relationships. Mostly, due to the fact that I was scared to let anyone get too close, because then they might discover my secret of being a girl. That was a scary thought, so I always did what I could to keep my distance from others. Living as a girl on the other hand, I don't have that hang-up. I don't have anything to hide, I'm free to be authentic. It's definitely boosted the quality of many of my relationships. Not saying that I am great at relationships or anything, I definitely am not great at it, but at least they're a lot better than they used to be. I guess the difference is now that I want to know others for the first time, so that's helping boost the quality. Finally, and probably most important has been my spiritual life. For the first time ever, I am being real with God and I actually trust Him. I'm following Him and have a closeness with Him that I never had living as a guy, or that is, a lie. Now, I'm walking on a honest path, which has removed a huge barrier between me and God that there was before. I'm growing in my faith in a way that I never thought possible now that I am transitioning. Now that I am living as His daughter.
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AuthorHi! I'm Anna, a currently transitioning transgender woman! I started my blog "Ramblings of a Trans Woman" as therapy for gender and identity issues and abuse from my parents and church. Hopefully, someone else out there can get something from this. If you want to talk, just get in contact with me, there's plenty of ways how and we'll discuss the best way to talk! Archives
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