5/26/2021 0 Comments May 26th, 2021I can't handle guys and I cannot understand them. A guy hit on me yesterday. This was my first (and so far, only time) being hit on. I should have seen it coming. Ok, I kinda did but was just hoping I was mis-understanding the set-up for his hitting on me (quite clearly horny). I didn't take the compliment. I didn't respond at first, he then pushed me for a response. So, I stupidly responded. I told him I didn't know how to respond and told him I was only used to being told I was ugly and not recieving compliments. I could tell he was disappointed. I didn't accept the compliment. I made excuses to not respond. I genuinely didn't know how to respond in the moment. I didn't know what I really felt in the moment. Several hours Iater I now know that I should have told him, "thank you, but being hit on does make me feel uncomfortable. I'm glad you find me visually pleasing, but if you would, please don't hit on me." (Of course, the other problem is that even if I knew at the time to say that, I doubt I could bring myself to say that to not make him feel bad) Now I just feel uncomfortable with him hitting on me, telling me that he thought I'm hot. First off, I don't think I look good at all, so I am stunned that a guy could find me hot in the first place. Second, I hate being seen strictly for my looks. It makes me so uncomfortable. I don't want to be known for being visually pleasing (or discomforting). I want to be known for my personality, how I treat others, my thoughts and fears, etc. The thought that anyone would ever think of me as "hot" is scary to me. Don't get me wrong, I am glad that someone actually thinks I'm good looking, it's a nice break from the assholes who's comments I constantly delete from my YouTube channel who love to let me know that I am the ugliest woman they have ever seen. So, being "hot" in and of itself isn't bad for me, I guess it's that someone is getting horny over me, finds me hot enough to hit on, and that I am just seen as some hot chick on the internet rather than Anna, the human being who is so much more than my looks. It kinda makes me feel sub-human to be honest to know that when some people see me, they don't see a person, they see a thing to get horny over. They see a beautiful pair of breasts, not a person. A pretty face, but not a person. Thing is, I feel very uncomfortable being hit on.
Another problem is that I cannot take a compliment. I have been torn down my whole life. I never mattered. My accomplishments never mattered. Everything was to be torn down. It's gotten to the point that I don't bother attempting anything really. I don't see a point in taking any risks or trying to make anything any better. I'll just get torn down for it. So, yeah, I cannot handle compliments. If I am being honest, being complimented makes me feel bad. It feels unearned, it feels wrong to receive. I will find any excuse for why you shouldn't compliment me. I will likely make you wish that you hadn't complimented me, if I respond at all. I can't handle them. I feel horrible for not being able to take a compliment. I actually hate myself for it. I mean, what is wrong with me? Anyway, yeah, I got hit on, didn't know how to respond, hate being hit on, and I can't take compliments. Also, I don't understand guys, at all. I have no idea how to deal with guys, especially when they're finding me rather hot. Like, how do you deal with guys in such a case? I genuinely don't know. I don't understand men one bit, and I can't figure out how to deal with th em in a good way. Tips are genuinely appreciated. Guys are a mystery to me that it's clear I need to understand to some extent now if they're going to hit on me now. Also, how do you handle being hit on? I got so depressed last night. I can't handle being hit on, but I know that I can't let myself get that depressed again whenever I get hit on again. I guess that's a new reality I unfortunately have to get used to. Never got hit on as a man. I guess it never really became real to me until now that living as a woman means that guys are going to hit on me now. I don't know how to handle it. How am I supposed to deal with all this? I don't want it. How do you deal with something so unwanted? Ugh.
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AuthorHi! I'm Anna, a currently transitioning transgender woman! I started my blog "Ramblings of a Trans Woman" as therapy for gender and identity issues and abuse from my parents and church. Hopefully, someone else out there can get something from this. If you want to talk, just get in contact with me, there's plenty of ways how and we'll discuss the best way to talk! Archives
June 2022
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