I’m a trans woman who wishes she had the ability to get pregnant. Ever since I was little, being a mother was one of my biggest wishes. So, finding out that I was unable to be one completely ruined me. Between that, and my life seemingly doomed to be lived out as a man, I had literally no hope for the future. Today, I pretty much just have to force myself to not even think of it unless I get extremely depressed. What makes it even worse is the fact that there isn’t a place in society for trans women like me who wish we could have our own children. We are demonized by transphobes, considered to be the most abhorrent of “deviants” and accused of having a perverted fetish for wanting to have our own kids. Even in the trans community we cannot find a place to vent our frustrations and try to heal. Too many times in trans spaces have I seen where a trans woman admits that she’s heart-broken that she’s unable to have kids, and all the responses end up being: “get over it.” “It’s not that big of a deal.” “Yeah, but, hey, at least you don’t have to deal with periods!” Our desires are completely disrespected even in the trans community, which has taught me two things: the trans community is too reactionary. We are so scared of how transphobes see us that we’ll throw under the bus anyone that we think the transphobes might target. The most important thing I learned is that no one, not even other trans women actually view ourselves or other trans women as women. The slogan “trans women are women and trans men are men” isn’t the actual beliefs of the trans community. Why do I say this? Imagine you’re speaking to a cis woman and she mentions that she’s barren and it breaks her heart as she really wishes she could have her own kids. Do you think that all the trans ladies telling other trans ladies to “get over it” would tell this to a barren cis woman? Certainly not. You’d have to be completely void of emotion or consideration for others to say that. Everyone knows you don’t say that to a barren cis woman. So, why is it ok to say it to trans women who wish they were able to get pregnant? Because we’re seen as men. If we were seen as women, we would be treated as women. People would recognize that us trans women have many of the same desires as cis women, because, we are women after all. Many trans women desire to have their own children, but, it’s not recognized as normal or healthy because we’re seen as men, even by other trans women. It’s really that simple and needs to stop. I’m sick and tired of having my desires and emotions tossed to the side because I was assigned male at birth, that because I wasn’t born with a uterus I don’t have the same desires of so many women. I do, and always have. No one is being benefited by pretending that trans women can’t have the same desires, wishes, and thoughts of cis women. I mean, we're all women, aren't we?
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AuthorHi! I'm Anna, a currently transitioning transgender woman! I started my blog "Ramblings of a Trans Woman" as therapy for gender and identity issues and abuse from my parents and church. Hopefully, someone else out there can get something from this. If you want to talk, just get in contact with me, there's plenty of ways how and we'll discuss the best way to talk! Archives
June 2022
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